I have to go

I sat there, in the pitch dark black
Silence filled the air as the car moved forward
I count the minutes, the seconds
Something was keeping me up

I tried to sleep, but couldn’t
I tried to imagine beautiful things, but didn’t succeed
I counted the stars
I focused on the blinking lights
I even tried keeping track the number of golden arches I passed
Something was bothering me terribly

When will we get there?
The clock is ticking, but we’re never reaching
Don’t you know that I’m anxious?
Don’t you know that I’m suffering?
Don’t you know that I’m on the verge of disintegrating?

How much longer do I have to hold this?
My hands are sweating
My head spinning
I can’t stand it any more
Don’t you know I have to go to the bathroom so freakin’ badly???!!!
Aiiiiiiihh… kebelet pipis atuuuuh!!
Emang enak??!!!

Watch Out for the Seeds!

As I was late heading for campus today, I had to skip breakfast. Obviously, by the time I was through with office hours this afternoon, I was nearly starved. At home, I realized I didn’t have any ready food to eat. I decided make some pasta, and whilst waiting for water to boil, I stuffed myself with some grapes. They were red globe grapes -with seeds - made in Chile. And… they were absolutely delicious, sweet to the very pit. The only thing that kept me from gobbling up the round fruits were the seeds. I had to be careful not to swallow or choke on them. How I wished they were seedless, but then again, even seedless grapes have seeds in them, and none could compare to the grapes I had today.

Then for a split second, I stopped to think. Isn’t that the way everything is though? Most of the time, you can’t have everything you want. No matter how sweet your life is, you still have to watch for the seeds. You can be filthy rich but have a flawed nose. Even if you had the money to fix your nose, you’d still have to deal with your insecurities. You may have the perfect home, the perfect job, the perfect body, or the most perfect partner, but there’s bound to be a thing or two you’d like different. Nobody’s perfect, it’s only part of being human. The roads in life are never perfect either, and that’s part of learning. Learning to make compromises and being happy with it.

After all, what you want may not be what’s best for you. So you can set goals, set your strategies, strive for what you want, but there’ll always be seeds in the way. You have to make an effort, and overcome obstacles. Sometimes you win, sometimes you loose. But one thing’s for sure, there’s no such thing as a free easy ride.

If Only

Last nite, I took time out to watch a 30" home video -a travelogue to a nearby city in the midst of a beautiful spring. To be honest, it was like watching a full length uncut music video.

Two creatures, strolling through the park, sitting side by side, just smiling, laughing, making funny faces, and giving occasional looks of admiration -- all the simple gestures of friendship...or wait-then again, maybe it was a little more than that ;P

Anyway, even though I wasn't there with them, I was overjoyed-thrilled-excited (you name it) to see the footage. In retrospect, I think it was so much better for me to see this on tape rather than being there in person. For you know, sometimes, the camera, the people around you, the world, and even an ever loud-sometimes obtrusive camera(man) can DISAPPEAR when you have a certain person right by your side. Huahahahha....

To conclude I'd like to post one of the soundtracks in this video. I've gotta give it to you Mr. Producer -- it breaks my heart to watch the footages. If only...

Brighter Than Sunshine (Aqualung)

I never understood before
I never knew what love was for
My heart was broke, my head was sore
What a feeling

Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
and it's brighter than sunshine

I never saw it happening
I'd given up and given in
I just couldn't take the hurt again
What a feeling

I didn't have the strength to fight
suddenly you seemed so right
Me and you
What a feeling

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun
It's brighter than the sun, sun, shine.

Love will remain a mystery
But give me your hand and you will see
Your heart is keeping time with me

What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
It's brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, I don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine

I got a feeling in my soul ...(repeat chorus to end)

Ijo Royo Royo

This just in...fresh from my inbox, sent by my sister.
Mom... I know u'd kill me if you found out I posted u here...huahahhaa
But forgive me for I have nothing better to do today :P

Pementasan Calon Arang, Graha Bhakti Budaya-TIM, April 23, 2006

Ijo royo royo, mamaku kaya Putri Giok (ayooo tebak, which one is my mom! giveaway: 2nd to right --gak mirip gw bgt yaah??!)

Mirror Image

Our obsession with self-portraits began with one of our trips to St. Louis -- when the original Champaign Beyatch members were still intact: Ange-Paksi-Yudis. When coming across an airbrush artist at the mall we were at, Yudis had this bizarre idea about getting his caricature done. He said he’s had a few of them done, so he wants to add another to his collection. So while he got his picture made, Paksi and I went our separate ways, wandering through the stores in that nearly vacant Missouri mall. I don’t know what it was with that place, the stores were open, but they were boring, and not so many people were around, so there was an empty feeling to the place. But anyway, that’s not the point of my story.

The point is, once Yudis got his caricature done, I was tempted to get one of my own. And after I had mine done, so did Paksi. So that night, we each went home with a picture of ourselves. Comparing how similar each picture was to our own features, we concluded that mine looked the least bit like me.

you be the judge. does this look like me?


Days went by. Then came the day we strolled around Navy Pier in Chicago. It was around the time Yudis was getting ready to go back home. Paksi and I had been talking about getting a sketch of the three of us together. For some reason, Yudis didn’t seem overly excited about the idea. Maybe our bond meant the least for him. But again, that’s beyond the point. We saw some artists at Navy Pier, but as we were in a rush to meet friends for dinner, we never got that trio picture done.

Months later, came our trip to New York, and our walk in Battery Park. I remembered a long time ago, in grade school, when Mom, Dad, me, and Luq took a day-trip to the Statue of Liberty. That afternoon, we had someone draw a picture of us. I distinctly remember, I was in a blue shirt and Luq in a pink one (obviously). With that memory clinging, I was determined to do another drawing that day. There were many types of drawings available: portraits, caricatures, and even manga (Japanese cartoons). I was distraught, and asked the others (Paksi & Ardi) what kind of sketch to have made. Paksi said he might do a portrait, so I settled on doing the same. Clever enough, he told me to go first. Ardi did a manga. Having seen the early sketches of my portrait (one that I could not yet see), Paksi changed his mind and did a manga instead.

So, when the portrait was done and it LOOKED NOTHING LIKE ME!!! Huahaha…. That serves me right for having such high expectations for what seemed to be a really cheap price. Paksi & Ardi’s manga turned out better (although it didn’t really look like them either but as a cartoon, you can always get away with that). My portrait on the other hand, looked like no one I’ve ever met. It looked like a sad, pathetic, tired person who didn’t have a future. Do I really look and act like that? Well I was tired after the trip to Liberty & Ellis Island, but I was hoping the Chinese opa-opa who did my picture could’ve done a little bit better.

Paksi, with rosy chubby cheeks
Ciyeeeh Ardi, looks like Anthony who would sweep Candy-Candy's heart away...haha!


Well, I was so disappointed in the portrait that I left them at Paksi’s apartment. The other day Etta & Lia came by to Paksi’s for Easter dinner. They saw the picture and wondered who in the world the person in the picture was. Naturally they assumed it was Kak Beby (who they have never seen before). Wuaaahahhahaha, that totally cracked me up!!!

So I guess, now it’s your turn….you tell me! Who is the person in the picture?

Huaaaaah!!! Miring pula gambarnya...!!

A Lesson in Filmmaking

Although I spent yet another afternoon in front of the computer, I've decided to write another entry. My friends are up (or down) in St. Louis (please forgive my lack of geographical awareness), and I'm bored. So I guess I'll tell y'all what we did last nite.

OK!!! So we spent nearly the whole day yesterday working on NEW YORK: IF ONLY (part 1 & 2), which apparently had to be broken down into 4 DVDS. Thank God for the templates on iMovie (was that the name?) that made the whole process so much easier. Nevertheless, it was extremely time consuming. Choosing the appropriate background music, matching it with the footage, arranging the sound volumes, selecting pictures, and cutting out long boring footages -- well the whole process was equally stressing and fun. One thing’s for sure though, I don’t intend in going into filmmaking any time soon!!! But finally seeing the end product, I can say all the effort was worthwhile. And, of course, thanks to our cameraman/director/editor/producer (he’s a one man band), many interesting so-called candid shots were included. His philosophy: the uglier & more embarrassing you are on screen, the better. So in short, what you see is what you get. New York: If Only (UNCENSORED). And since laughing at yourself is a healthy mental exercise, I ain’t complaining just yet!

To get a copy of the exclusive New York: If Only (UNCENSORED EDITION) please call
1-800-YOU-WISH!!! We'll be waiting on the other line. A $29.99 value for only $9.99! (Shipping & handling not included). Be sure to have your credit card number ready. Call now, while suplies last!!! Don't forget to ask our operators about our Sizzling St. Louis, Sleepy in Seattle, and SOS SFO videos as well...

OK, starting to get KRISPY here... I better sign off!

Soundtrack of the day

The Blower's Daughter (Closer Soundtrack)

And so it is
Just like you said it would be
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time
And so it is
The shorter story
No love, no glory
No hero in her sky

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

And so it is
Just like you said it should be
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time
And so it is
The colder water
The blower's daughter
The pupil in denial

I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off of you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes off you
I can't take my eyes...

Did I say that I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off of you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind off you
I can't take my mind...
My mind...my mind...
'Til I find somebody new

Bells-a-ringin

It’s not too often reality hits me in the face. I’ve always had my way of doing things, and have never regretted the choices I’ve made in life. Like they say, anywhere you go, any step you take, there’s always a lesson to be learned. But it wasn’t until I was browsing through my tons of unopened emails that some things began to strike me.

On my Tonggak-tonggak Tak Bernyawa mailing list (featuring the incredible Sanur girls of A3y), two invitations to upcoming weddings were posted: Ella’s on May 21st and Sheren’s on June 3rd. Of course, I couldn’t be happier for my dear friends. But it seems as if the second wave of weddings is starting to take toll.

When we had just graduated from college, the first generation of A3y brides walked down the aisle: Meiltrine, Dini, Femmy, Bian, Yani, Maureen (uhmmm, I hope I didn’t miss any names). Now they’ve become the Mommy Club who will be bringing their babies to the next reunion. Isn’t that so cute?? Wish I could be there.

I’m clustering the newlyweds and brides-to-be: Maya, Mbe, Ella, and Sheren into the second wave bride category. The numbers are shifting, but I guess I’m still with the majority who hasn’t posted invitations just yet. Let’s see, there were 32 people in our class, so I guess there are still 22 fun-fearless-single-females left among us. Pheeew… still safe there!

My FEUI 96 mailing list posted an invitation to a class reunion; to celebrate a decade being bound by the yellow jacket. Ten years??!! Wow, that’s been a while! Sure enough, bells rang loudly calling me to reflect upon myself. Where have I been? What have I achieved? It just seems like time has flown by and I’m standing still in my place. Career wise, I’ve been here and there, doing a little bit of this and a little bit of that. The past two years I’ve been hitting the books, in other words taking a vacation from reality. The way I see it, school is like a hiding place, a safe resort where you can lead a slower pace in life, and still get away with it ;P. But time is ticking and calls to return to reality are pulling at me. It’s time get back in the game – time to play in the game of life!

Uuughh… berat!

word of the day

just learned a new word!

tab·u·la ra·sa (tby-l räs, -z)
n. pl. tab·u·lae ra·sae (tby-l räs, -z)

1.
a. The mind before it receives the impressions gained from experience.
b. The unformed, featureless mind in the philosophy of John Locke.

2. A need or an opportunity to start from the beginning.

starting over: you can forgive, but can you ever forget? ;P

City of New York

Here are the pictures...

At Canal St. Subway Station -- on our first night after dinner at Boqi and dessert & milk tea at Tea-riffic. So we managed to wait at the wrong platform & went up & down & around before getting off at the wrong station too. Let's just say we had to walk alot that nite.


These two pictures was after lunch at Chinatown and heading for Philly using the all great (smelly) Chinatown bus.

This was our second nite in NYC. Had dinner with Sahal & Tati. Before that we had coffee @ Dean & Deluca and then strolled thru Broadway & Soho (more like a long tiring walk that got people extremely exhausted). We went to St. Mark's place, by Astor Plaza. I forgot what the restaurant is. But I remember having something called a Korean pancake, nothing like the all-great American pancake. If you want my advice, don't try it!!!

Went to Sunday mass @ St. Patrick's Cathedral. Don't I look extremely intelligent with glasses. Hahhaha!

Ok... our great walk thru the Village. My beloved school Public School 3, at 490 Hudson St, the corner of Hudson & Grove. Those steps seemed so big and high back then. Everything seems tinier in proportion now.

I realized that this was just a block away from where the Friends' cast had supposedly been living - Grove & Bedford. That tidbit we found out when running into a group of people taking a walk-tour of the all great Greenwich Village.

My beloved apartment 55 Bethune St aka 463 West Street, New York, New York 10014.


So here we are at the Statue of Liberty. Don't we look so friendly together. In reality we're Ms. Bawel & Mr. Nyinyir who even subconciously seem to be kicking each others' feet.

This was at Ellis Island. Cool huh?

-to be continued

Athens, Ohio

Ok... so these are some of the pictures I took in Ohio. It may not seem like much. Well, that's because there really wasn't that much to see or do. Hahahaa....
So I went to Athens because I had long promised Anis that I would come and see her. This in turn led me to disappointing the Champaign Beyatches since that meant I couldn't join Yudis & Paksi on their road trip to Atlanta and Tampa!!! I know it sucks... but someone out there convinced me to be consistent with my decisions-and although I missed out on some crazy times with the guys (n could've prevented some unwanted gossip)- I have no regrets.

So I stayed at Anis' place and she was the sweetest host ever. It was winter and cold, especially since I had been in warm San Francisco the week before. So all I ever did was sleep when I got to Athens. Waking up mid-day was part of our routine schedule. Then Anis and I would take time chit-chatting and doing nothing, and by the time we ready to head out, it woud've already been dark outside. So apparently it would've been too late to tour the ol' haunted campus of Ohio University. And as it was the midst of Winter Break, Athens was a dead town nearly the whole time I was there.

OK, picture time...

Mbak Lina-Ange-Brutus-Yogi
Moi with the OSU mascot
Moi again

Ok, those three pictures were in Columbus-at the airport. I spent a week in Ohio, and managned to be at that airport 3 different times. 1) when I landed from SF 2) when we picked Mbak SQ-who had just come from Indonesia- up 3) when I was flying off to Chicago... aiyaaa...

Mbak Lina-Papanya Annaya-Yogi, Ange, Mbak SQ dgn potongan rambut baru (tampak belakang)

Preparing for New Year's dinner; staying in for NYs?!!! Makan dodol durian, eh ketan duren, atau apa yah namanya? Yang jelas ueeenaaak!

With Yogi -king of dangdut cabang Athens; Ange-sok sibuk bantu2, padahal sih semangat makannya aja tuh yang menggebu
Di depan rumah Pak Amarell yang dihiasi lampu2

picture taken down by request
ceritanya nih foto candid kali ya...? Nah akhirnya bareng Jeng Anis, sang tuan rumah. Terima kasih ya nduuuuk...dah ditebengin manusia kebo

wah... akhirnya sampai kampus Ohio University juga loh..meski udah gelap.. Itu di depan gedung apa ya..? hehehe lupa juga...

Terima kasih ya teman2 yang menemani dan meramaikan kunjungan singkat saya ke Athens!!! Termasuk semua oknum yang berpartisipasi menciptakan rekor saya pergi ke Walmart kira2 4-5 kali dalam seminggu itu..Nanti kalian aja deh yang main ke Champaign... dijamin lebih seru!!!

Indonesian Cultural Night

It's been awhile since I've made an entry. A lot has happened but I don't have the time nor energy to write here just yet. It seems as if I've been sitting for the past 24 hrs in front of the computer. I'm exhausted, but there's so much to be done.

In the mean time, I'm uploading our latest picture from the Indonesian Cultural Night we held on April 1st.

*part of the fashion show crew...dangdut mania*

This was another segment of the Indonesian Cultural Night...

*with the President, who finally let everything out -literally- after the big show was thru*